Admin note: We received this note today and I'm reprinting it with the submitter's permission. If you have ideas, please take a moment and add your thoughts in the comments. You can also contact Antoinette through her blog. My go-to is usually to send gift certificates for meals since I can't take in a meal. It never seems like enough though. It can be hard to be so far away. I am hoping some of you have other ideas to share as well. Thanks. -Becky
"I'd love to hear ideas/suggestions on how to support a friend who's grieving when you can't be there physically. My normal two modes are active listening (difficult when conversation requires a phone date that is too much of a burden to place on the person grieving--at least in the initial phases) and practical help to free up time (walk the dog, cooking meals, throw out the junk mail). Cards/flowers seem inadequate."
Thank you,
Antoinette
My mom died very suddenly after we moved to Iceland. I made several trips back to deal with estate issues. By far, the biggest help was a friend willing to make a trip to my mom's house to help me when I was in the country.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, active listening is huge. There were times when I was back in Iceland and I really just needed someone to talk to who had known my mother. No one there (other than my husband) knew her, so friends back home that I could contact via email, phone or Skype were key. If you know the friend has to do travel or needs to pay for something in relation to the loss (estate work, etc.) you might offer something to help defray a cost, such as a hotel gift card.
Trust me, nearly any show of support will be appreciated, especially if somehow related to a need, maybe even a gift card for a dog walker/housecleaner...
I haven't dealt with this but to things come to mind. First letters not an email but a card and letter. To me it just says I care a bit more than an email. The second would be gift cards to restaurants or possibly a gas station if you know they will be doing a lot of driving.
ReplyDeleteAnother consideration is that the one time our crazy time zone shifts from the USA are useful is when someone back home is going through something awful. They are likely to be awake at 2am and have nobody to talk to ... except that they can call us! I am lucky to say that I have been the called, not the caller, but it did seem to be helpful to be able to talk through what was going through her mind when the rest of her world was asleep.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to thank everyone for all of the suggestions. For now, I've just been emailing her a lot and sent a card through a friend and letting her know that she doesn't need to be back and have donated to her favorite charity. Other suggestions from friends were to give a gift of something that she could use not now but later when she's not dealing with the immediate aftermath of things but still will need some someone to take care of her. But, again, thank you. It's really helpful to hear other ideas.
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